How to get out of an unequally yoked relationship when you live together: 5 Tips to transform your life (Part 1)
Can you believe that today is already March 1st? This new year certainly has been one where I've had to become super strategic with my time. This has also been the first year that I've invited God into my goal setting and had a clear vision for things to focus on in this season.
One of my goals this year is to help other Christian women walk in the fullness of who they are in Christ to experience transformation.in every area of their lives! The first area of focus for 2020 is relationships. This blog post is a compilation of 5 tips I want to share with you from my personal experience of leaving an unequally yoked relationship with my ex who I lived together with at the time.
So, on to the meat and potatoes:
1. You need God
The very first thing that you need to get out of an unequally yoked relationship when you live together is GOD! As you probably know by now from reading my previous blog, I was raised in the church. As I grew further from God my heart became hardened towards Him because I ignored the conviction of the Holy Spirit trying to help lead and guide me.
Jesus explains that no man can come to Him unless the Father draws him (John 6:65). The natural man has no ability to come to God, nor does he even have the desire to come. Because his heart is hard and his mind is darkened, the unregenerate person doesn’t desire God and is actually an enemy of God (Romans 5:10). I believe that because I had grown discontent in the relationship I had with my ex not seeming to have more direction or progression towards marriage God was able to use that discontentment to draw me to himself. He began to speak to my Spirit and in searching for more I was open to listening to Him.
2. Make a commitment & communicate
The first thing that God convicted me about as I was pursuing a relationship with Him while with my ex boyfriend was sex. This wasn't a new conviction just one I had been ignoring for a minute. That "guilty feeling and emptiness" I felt after every sexual encounter lingered. I knew that sex was a privilege that was designed to be beautiful inside of marriage between a husband and wife not something to be abused continually. I knew that my ex and I weren't married, but I would deceive myself to make the feeling of guilt go away and think to myself well we are going to get married one day or he loves me and I know he wants to marry me so I am just submitting to his desires to have sex with me. And in the interest of truth, it wasn't all him!
I had began to develop an appetite for sex myself and initiated things with him as well. I believe that is what the Bible refers to in Song of Solomon 8.4 where it pleas for the daughters of Jerusalem (you could say women who belong to God) not to awaken love before it is time (in this instance, wedding night). I tried to avoid having sex for about 2 weeks while I wrestled with God in my mind about surrendering my body to Him. I grew the confidence to finally communicate my decision to no longer have sex outside of marriage when I kept getting questioned about acting strange anytime my ex started to "get in the mood."
I was so afraid to confront him and have the conversation because I did not know how to explain to someone who didn't receive the same convictions I did in my faith and I didn't want him to leave me. He responded my suggesting we take a break to figure out what we wanted, but I knew I wanted what God wanted and that I was tired of ignoring God and trying to make our relationship work my way. I had come to the end of myself and I was ready to submit to whatever God was telling me to do at at that point. I had made a commitment to rededicate my body back to God and communicated that with my ex so he was clear I no longer wanted to have sex...
The next 3 tips I want to dive into with you next week so that I have time to meditate over which scriptures I hope to include with the remaining points to encourage your journey of separation as it is not easy, but definitely necessary to leave an unequally yoked relationship ESPECIALLY if you live together.
Which is your favorite tip from Part 1 and Why ? Comment below to share your thoughts(:
Hi, My name is Shantel Patrice Taylor and I am the Owner of SPLIT Media Enterprises International, LLC. I was born in Washington, D.C. and raised in McDonough GA. My family has a rich history in church, so I have always had some type of relationship with Jesus.
Going into my senior year of high school was the time when Jesus was a really big part of my life as I had experienced a bad breakup during summer vacation, so I decided that I was going to "save myself" and no longer engage in sex outside of marriage. Some time passed and I met who turned out to be my highschool sweetheart. We were really happy, and fell in love with one another, so we started making plans to build a life together.
Once I got to college, things began to change. I did not have someone waking me up making me go to church all the time so I didn't really go and on top of that we had also introduced sex into our relationship. I began to get further and further away from God and I unknowingly began to live a lukewarm Christian life (that is one according to my own will doing whatever I wanted to do) and tagging scriptures that "fit" and some occasional popcorn prayers to my inconsistent encounters with God.
Despite my unfaithfulness to God, he remained faithful in my life and I found favor and good success in everything I put my hand to.
From the outside looking in everything was great! I had the man, I had a car, I had a degree, I was traveling often with my friends, I had a state job with amazing benefits and promising career ahead of me. I was "living my best life!" I soon learnt that whatever I thought my best was, God had better.
In September of 2018 God called me away from 8 years being in a relationship with the man who I thought I would marry to pursue celibacy in obedience to him. I definitely tried to ignore God and just figure out how to make things work, but it became clear to me that God was giving me a choice to turn back to him and surrender the only life I had known since high school and trust him. It wasn't easy...I mean, I STRUGGLED with letting go, but after separating and going back to church, I had clarity to realize that in my brokenness and insecurity I had placed so much of my worth and identity into the relationship that I felt like I didn't know who I was on my own. I began a journey to get to know myself and understand my true identity and value in Christ.
On March 30, 2019, God gave me SPLIT in the midst of one of the most heartbreaking seasons of my life on my living room couch. I didn't know what to do to really get started so I just asked God to help me with everything along the way. My relationship with Jesus was restored and I began relying on the Holy Spirit more for what I needed to do. I began to spend more time in the bible and with other Christians which helped me take my faith to a level that moved beyond just believing in God, to truly living a life of faith and manifesting God's healing and glory in every area of my life.
I now seek to live a life that is led and empowered by the Holy Spirit and guided by Biblical principles instead of my own like before. I trust that God has healed my heart and will restore love in my life in his timing. For now, I am focused on being faithful and consistent in my relationship with Jesus and focused on my assignment(s) in this season.
Sharing hope and encouraging others is my passion. I believe that technology has been able to help the world move forward, so likewise it should also be used as a tool to advance the Kingdom of God. If I had known much of what I learned through my journey of healing or if it was made available in a way that would actually capture my attention and help me understand it, I believe I would have made different decisions in my life. I hope this digital platform of Kingdom resources is able to equip you with tools to help you renew your mind to understand your identity in Christ and guide you in living a Kingdom life!
Hi, my name is Shantel Patrice Taylor! I am a Christian educator and entrepreneur. I find journaling very therapeutic so here, I hope to share some of my entries with you as I am led by the Holy Spirit. Be sure to leave a comment to dialogue and let me know what you think!